Russians living in exile cope with grief far from home

## Summary
https://p.dw.com/p/5BObD The death of loved ones poses a severe psychological strain, especially when experienced far from home Image: COLOURBOX Advertisement Pyotr Trofimov (name changed) had only been in Germany for three weeks when he received the news that his father had passed away in St. Since the start of the war in Ukraine, there have been no direct flights between EU countries and Russia Image: Alexander Demianchuk/TASS/dpa/picture alliance Trofimov scheduled a meeting with a psychologist just hours after having found out about his father's death, which helped him cope with the initial shock. Often, we don't realize it, so we don't go through the grieving process," she told DW. "It all builds up: the loss of a job, the loss of a social circle and ultimately, the loss of status and a sense of security," added Harlamova, who moved to Germany from Belarus back in 2000. Born and raised in Moscow, she launched Without Prejudice in March 2022 to help Russian speakers seeking psychological support in light of the war in Ukraine.

## Article Content
https://p.dw.com/p/5BObD
The death of loved ones poses a severe psychological strain, especially when experienced far from home
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Pyotr Trofimov (name changed) had only been
in Germany
for three weeks when he received the news that his father had passed away in St. Petersburg. Had it not been for
Russia's full-scale invasion of Ukraine
, he would have still been in Moscow and not in the Bavarian city of Bayreuth.
Various estimates suggest that between 650,000 and 1 million people left Russia after the full-scale war in Ukraine began in early 2022. Not all of them planned to stay abroad long-term, and even fewer could have imagined that returning home would eventually become dangerous. That meant that some had to face the death of a loved one without the option of saying goodbye in person.
Trofimov is one of them. Before Russia's invasion of Ukraine, he was a Ph.D. student at Moscow State University and was planning to look for a job abroad after graduating in 2024. The war, however, changed his plans, and so he found himself in postgraduate studies at the University of Bayreuth.
"It was a spontaneous decision made after the war began," Trofimov explained.
He added that he was afraid of what was to come next and assumed that the move to Europe would help him build a more stable career.
Loss begins with immigration
When Trofimov learned about his father's death, not even a month had passed since his move to Germany. He was still trying to find a place to live and deal with the bureaucracy that comes with moving abroad.
"If the circumstances had been different, I would have simply traveled from
Moscow
to
St. Petersburg
. It's not a difficult task," he told DW.
Yet his spontaneous move turned it into a far more difficult one: a return journey would have cost him a few thousand euros as direct flights between Russia and Germany were halted after the war in Ukraine broke out.
Since the start of the war in Ukraine, there have been no direct flights between EU countries and Russia
Image: Alexander Demianchuk/TASS/dpa/picture alliance
Trofimov scheduled a meeting with a psychologist just hours after having found out about his father's death, which helped him cope with the initial shock. Still, he needed time to come to terms with the loss.
"You can't just snap out of it. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way," he said.
According to Olga Harlamova, a rational-emotive-behavioral therapist based in Munich, this was not Trofimov's first loss since moving to Germany.
"The loss begins with the very act of emigration. Often, we don't realize it, so we don't go through the grieving process," she told DW.
"It all builds up: the loss of a job, the loss of a social circle and ultimately, the loss of status and a sense of security," added Harlamova, who moved to Germany from Belarus back in 2000.
When a person also faces the death of a loved one against the backdrop of all these losses, coping becomes even more difficult, the psychologist said.
Does time really heal all wounds?
Polina Grundmane is the Sweden-based founder of the psychological support NGO Without Prejudice. Born and raised in Moscow, she launched Without Prejudice in March 2022 to help Russian speakers seeking psychological support in light of the war in Ukraine.
Because of her NGO work, Grundmane said it was no longer safe for her to return to Russia. She said she was threatened with detention upon arrival, and as a result she couldn't travel to Russia to say goodbye when her parents died within three months of each other in early 2024.
"My parents were everything to me. And in an instant, I was left an orphan," said Grundmane.
"If I could change everything, I would have never launched this NGO," she added. But back in 2022, she didn't feel like starting it was "some kind of heroic act," but rather a "completely normal" way to help others.
Protesting Putin: Russian opposition in exile
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Grundmane has not yet been able to come to terms with the death of her parents.
"As the head of a psychological support NGO, I'll be honest: firstly, time doesn't heal everything ― it's possible to not get over a loss. I haven't gotten over mine," she said. "Yes, my mind understands that my parents are gone. But I don't process it any further, because it would destroy me. And I don't want to do anything that would destroy me."
Yet Grundmane's professional background gives her a clear understanding of how her mind copes with difficulties. And so, she assumes she will be able to start processing her grief once she has a chance to return to her apartment in Moscow and reunite with her sisters.
But for now, daily exercise, therapy and her children are helping her to stay afloat.
"I see my children as a continuation of my parents," said Grundmane.
Finding closure through farewell rituals
In March 2022, video producer Alexander Slavin moved to Bel

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## Expert Analysis

### Merits
- Yesterday and today, Russian exiles come to Berlin To view this video please enable JavaScript, and consider upgrading to a web browser that supports HTML5 video To support someone who's grieving, one simply needs to be there for them. "Don't give advice," Harlamova stressed. "The most important thing is simply to give space to that pain.

### Areas for Consideration
- It's not a difficult task," he told DW.
- Yet his spontaneous move turned it into a far more difficult one: a return journey would have cost him a few thousand euros as direct flights between Russia and Germany were halted after the war in Ukraine broke out.
- When a person also faces the death of a loved one against the backdrop of all these losses, coping becomes even more difficult, the psychologist said.

### Implications
- Not all of them planned to stay abroad long-term, and even fewer could have imagined that returning home would eventually become dangerous.
- She said she was threatened with detention upon arrival, and as a result she couldn't travel to Russia to say goodbye when her parents died within three months of each other in early 2024. "My parents were everything to me.
- And in an instant, I was left an orphan," said Grundmane. "If I could change everything, I would have never launched this NGO," she added.
- And so, she assumes she will be able to start processing her grief once she has a chance to return to her apartment in Moscow and reunite with her sisters.

### Expert Commentary
This article covers loss, grundmane, russia topics. Notable strengths include discussion of loss. Areas of concern are also raised. Readability: Flesch-Kincaid grade 0.0. Word count: 1405.