Don’t upstage your friends! 19 modern etiquette mistakes – and how to avoid them

## Summary
Stop making other people’s birthdays about yourself … Composite: Guardian Design; posed by models; Aire Images/Getty Images View image in fullscreen Stop making other people’s birthdays about yourself … Composite: Guardian Design; posed by models; Aire Images/Getty Images Don’t upstage your friends! 19 modern etiquette mistakes – and how to avoid them In a world teeming with social media and smart devices, there are many ways to upset people, whether you’re checking your watch notifications or sending a voice note without a text to explain the subject. Anything like, “regarding dinner next week; not urgent” or “some background on the new client” will do. (Sidebar: never send a voice note to someone you don’t know well.) Checking your smartwatch during a face-to-face chat Users of smartwatches may well feel a ping or a pop on their wrists, informing them they have a text, their online order has been dispatched, or they have just spent £12.25 at Pret. Photograph: pocketlight/Getty Images Sending work emails outside business hours The etiquette for emails is that the onus is on the sender to respect the recipients’ time. View image in fullscreen Enjoy the moment … Photograph: Henrik Sorensen/Getty Images Vaping without asking While vaping arguably may be less toxic for your lungs than smoking, it is still one and the same thing when it comes to etiquette.

## Article Content
Stop making other people’s birthdays about yourself …
Composite: Guardian Design; posed by models; Aire Images/Getty Images
View image in fullscreen
Stop making other people’s birthdays about yourself …
Composite: Guardian Design; posed by models; Aire Images/Getty Images
Don’t upstage your friends! 19 modern etiquette mistakes – and how to avoid them
In a world teeming with social media and smart devices, there are many ways to upset people, whether you’re checking your watch notifications or sending a voice note without a text to explain the subject. Here’s how to navigate it all
I
n an age of smartphones, social media and instant communication, it has never been easier to connect … or to offend everyone around us. Many of today’s most common etiquette breaches stem not from malice but from convenience: a badly written message, a thoughtless post, a device that demands our attention. Yet good manners still hinge on the same old principle: consideration for others. From eschewing headphones on public transport to ghosting invitations and sharing thoughtlessly online, here are some of the most common modern etiquette mistakes, why they grate, and how they can be avoided.
Making ‘happy birthday’ posts all about you
A classic daily vignette on social media is someone you follow wishing their friend a happy birthday in their story. Without fail, this is usually a photo of the account holder and the friend; the former looking much better than the person whose birthday it is. Stop making other people’s birthdays about yourself. Post a photo of them on their own, if you really must, but also ensure you extend online birthday posts to all friends, rather than just a select few.
Sending a voice note without a subject
A semi-controversial opinion, but I love a voice note. I love it when my friends and colleagues send me them. But I don’t love it when they send me one without a follow-up line of text explaining what it’s about. Probably, as it is a voice note and not a call or text, it’s in no way urgent. But some sort of nod to its content is always polite. Anything like, “regarding dinner next week; not urgent” or “some background on the new client” will do.
(Sidebar: never send a voice note to someone you don’t know well.)
Checking your smartwatch during a face-to-face chat
Users of smartwatches may well feel a ping or a pop on their wrists, informing them they have a text, their online order has been dispatched, or they have just spent £12.25 at Pret. The Pavlovian response is to glance down to see what the notification is. But when in the company of others, be warned that looking at your watch just reads as “they’re bored of me and checking the time” or “their message is more interesting than me”. Even if you explain that you are reviewing a notification, and not the time, it’s still rude. Avoid the temptation, or put your watch, like your phone, into do not disturb mode before the meeting starts.
View image in fullscreen
It’s considered rude to check your smartwatch while talking to someone.
Photograph: pocketlight/Getty Images
Sending work emails outside business hours
The etiquette for emails is that the onus is on the sender to respect the recipients’ time. If you are a lover of a 6am raid on your inbox, great: go for it. But consider saving emails as drafts and sending within the recipient’s regular business hours, or using the schedule-send tool, so you don’t pressure your colleagues and clients into thinking they have to reply at the crack of dawn like you. If you are emailing colleagues in vastly different time zones, of course, there is no issue with sending it early for you but a normal time for them.
Not asking before taking photos in friends’ houses
It’s not your house and so your own rules do not apply. Ask your hosts before any photos or video are taken and then ask again if you want to share it on social media. This now also extends to tradespeople, many of whom have social media accounts. While they may want to capture their handiwork and use it to get new business, they should not be posting their clients’ private spaces online without permission.
View image in fullscreen
Ask before you share photos of someone else’s home.
Photograph: Valeriy_G/Getty Images
Music and calls without headphones
This heinous act of selfishness is like a new pandemic. You cannot go five minutes in any major city in the UK, or indeed abroad, without seeing someone making a call on speakerphone, watching TikToks, or listening to music without using headphones: a concept that has been dubbed “barebeating”.
Being charitable, is this because mobiles no longer come with headphones? Or perhaps people are worried about these mini supercomputers getting hot against their ears. Whatever the reasoning, it’s wrong to force those around you to endure whatever you are consuming. If we all did it, there would be an unimaginable cacophony.
Couples reposting each other
There should be a special place in hell for couples who tag each

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## Expert Analysis

### Merits
N/A

### Areas for Consideration
- If you are emailing colleagues in vastly different time zones, of course, there is no issue with sending it early for you but a normal time for them.
- There is too much going on to have an opinion on every hot-button issue.

### Implications
- Anything like, “regarding dinner next week; not urgent” or “some background on the new client” will do. (Sidebar: never send a voice note to someone you don’t know well.) Checking your smartwatch during a face-to-face chat Users of smartwatches may well feel a ping or a pop on their wrists, informing them they have a text, their online order has been dispatched, or they have just spent £12.25 at Pret.
- While they may want to capture their handiwork and use it to get new business, they should not be posting their clients’ private spaces online without permission.
- Couples reposting each other There should be a special place in hell for couples who tag each other and then reshare each other’s stories online.
- Tell them directly, not everyone else.) Filming people in public without consent While getting others to consent can be hard to achieve, modern manners suggest considering others who may be in your shot when recording videos and snapping photos.

### Expert Commentary
This article covers without, don, images topics. Areas of concern are also raised. Readability: Flesch-Kincaid grade 0.0. Word count: 1847.